Sunday, August 28, 2005

[Tall, Dark Stranger]: haha i was playing bloody knuckles with this girl the other day and i broke her hand
[Tall, Dark Stranger]: hahahaha
[Tall, Dark Stranger]: it was great
Cwruidth: Dude, [name omitted]. Sometimes, i'm pretty convinced that you're [name omitted].
[Tall, Dark Stranger]: lol
Cwruidth: no, like. F'reals.
[Tall, Dark Stranger]: there is no more truly moving religious experience than beatin on a woman
Cwruidth: what about enlightenment?
[Tall, Dark Stranger]: what about it
Cwruidth: not more religious?
[Tall, Dark Stranger]: nah, i think thats more spiritual rather than religious
Cwruidth: hmm. i see. What's the second most moving religious experience?
[Tall, Dark Stranger]: cheatin on a cheater
Cwruidth: third?
[Tall, Dark Stranger]: hmm, i think the third would be that holy vindication that you feel after you get someone to concede a point to you in an argument
[Tall, Dark Stranger]: you know how good it feels when you're just completely and totally enraged to the point that you feel that if you knew how to, you could start an atomic reaction just with the power of your mind
Cwruidth: well, you know that in all the chemical bonds in all the molecules in your body, you contain as much energy as many many suns; meaning that you could, at any time you want, release all the energy contained in every weapon ever discharged in the world, if you knew how to get at that energy, and really wanted to make a point.
[Tall, Dark Stranger]: thats fourth
Cwruidth: this is quite a religion you've got worked out.
[Tall, Dark Stranger]: amen

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Imagine the cost of research and development.

Ever just wiggle your fingers and watch the tendons move under your skin?

We live in a shell of such complexity that - to a point - it can be split open, or crushed, and it will repair itself.

I can think of three ways off the top of my head that my body is totally unique. No one else has my fingerprint, nor my retinal pattern, nor my DNA. There must be others.

If we systematically break down our muscles just so, they will grow back, stronger. No, you heard that right. Stronger.

The largest organ of the body - the skin - is supple and elastic, has a built-in cooling / waste elimination system, and is pressure-sensitive over its entire surface.

And it's all powered by water and plant matter. Meat optional.

Seriously. Too freakin' cool.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

A Brief Foray Into Speculative Paleogeography...

Am i the only one who thinks that it would be wicked rad if Pangea had been shaped like a big dinosaur?

Pirate Story Hour

Once upon a time (but not so very long ago as you might think) there was a girl named Paddraigin Ktothayle. Now nobody could pronounce this girl's name, so they mostly just called her "hey you" or "you. with all the hair". Now this girl was working as a shop assistant, and was entirely miserable because of it. Of course she always greeted the customers with a smile and a nice little chat, but she longed for something which she could not define.
Now one day our girl was toiling away in this shop when someone she had never seen before came crashing through the door. he was dark and mysterious in a not-at-all-unattractive fashion, and was wearing a strange outfit which she was entirely unfamiliar with.

Audience interjection: Ooh! Mystery and Outfits!

(Now, you and I know that this was the infamous Captain Cwruidth of the dread ship "Seventeen," a pirate of the blackest reputation, but she did not travel in circles where such things were spoken of)

Audience: Oooh!

So the girl merrily prattled away, talking about the weather, the shop and anything else her mind settled upon. Except of course gossip, which you will recall she had no use for... As she did this the Captain stalked about, gathering supplies for his ship (which was hidden in a cove nearby).
Then, all at once, a man burst through the doors. Brandishing a pistol with a crazed look glinting in his eyes, he screamed at the girl to open the till and empty the contents into his waiting pockets. The Captain, not wanting any trouble during his brief time in port, was trying his best to be unobtrusive. He felt certain that she would hand over the money without any fuss.

(nothing could have prepared him for what happened next...)

Audience: Eep! Whatever did she do!?

Bending down slowly, her hand found the solid metal handle of the tillbox. And without warning... KLANG! She swung it up and connected squarely with the side of the robber's head. As he reeled, she brought it down on top of his head so hard that coins seemed to explode from within the box. He fell, and as he turned back from grabbing his pistol from the floor, he realized too late that she had already found her weapon.

Audience: Gasp!

An enormous pitchfork (one of the shop's many wares) skewered his flesh and pinned him to the surface on which he lay and as he died, the last thing he saw was her sweet face peering down at him.
After a bloody moment's pause, the stranger stepped out from the shadowed corner. "I am the Fel Captain Cwruidth, Pirate of a Reputation Most Black. I am the most feared man on land or sea and I captain a ship of the most bloodthirsty, ruthless and dangerous men alive. And that" he said, pointing to the biological mess on the ground "was my first mate. I have never seen a more wicked man in all my days... and you felled him with a pitchfork and arms like angelhair pasta."

Audience: Indeed! I quite recall saying just that!

The pirate removed his hat with a reverent expression on his face and bowed his head to his friend the Ex-Pirate. Then, he extended a (rather large) hand to the girl, saying "Since you got the best of James the Cleaver, you are now my new first mate. What is your name, praytell?"

(he actually phrased it in much rougher terms than that, but he was indeed a pirate so we have no recourse but to forgive him his tongue)

Audience: Well naturally! When i said i recalled saying JUST that, i surely meant that i recalled saying words to JUST that effect!!

Well, when she rattled off her name, he turned three shades of vermillion and even puce as well. "There can only be one sailor aboard with a gaelic name, and that is damn well going to be me. Any more would be bad luck and a nuisance to boot. So... we'll call you Shrike, after the cruelest and most vile songbird to ever grace the skies."
And Shrike (for Shrike she was) grinned carnivorously in agreement. So together they quickly liberated a few more things from the shop (useful things like sealing wax and biscuts along with a few wicked looking knives) and made it back to the cove just before the law enforcement did.

Audience: Huzzah! Stickin it to the man!

The sea spray rose to meet them, the sails filled and as they moved out of the cove Shrike was introduced to a very suspicious crew. They were all for throwing her overboard but for two things. One was that she was covered in blood and glaring most terribly, and the other was that the Captain insisted that she wouldn't be bad luck, for she wasn't actually a girl. She was a girl, he said with a grin, but only in the ways that matter the most. He laughed heartily at that, but was met with blank stares from his crew.
And as the ship disappeared in the distance, back in the cove they could still hear the Captain's laughter echoing off the wet stone walls.

And that is the story of How Shrike Became Cwruidth's First Mate.

Special disclaimer should be made that these characters are fictional, and that any resemblance to people, living or dead, is possibly coincidental.

This has got to be good for something...

I am made of water
and I am crying myself away.

Friday, August 19, 2005

Sad drunk and poorly
Sleep in really late
Sad drunk and poorly
Not feeling so great
Wandering lost in a town full of frowns
Sad drunk and poorly
Dogs digging up the ground

And I feel the light in the night and in the day
And I feel the light
When the sky's just mud and grey
And I feel the night when you tell me it's OK
Coz you're so great and I love you

Tea, tea and coffee
Helps to start the day
Tea, tea and coffee
Shaking all the way
City's alive, a surprise so am I
Tea, tea and coffee, get no sleep today

-Lyrics courtesy of Blur: "You're So Great"

Thursday, August 18, 2005

grrrr (there should have been something else here but nooo...)

Sometimes i wish my computer was a person so i could punch him/her in the face if you asked or told someone to do something and they kept asking you if it was ok you might want to punch them too am i right people come on i think its time to show them whos boss so lets turn them in to people damnit




Thursday, August 11, 2005

Something that needs to go in something else

One boy's face is the reverse of a storm;
All perfect calm but tempest in the eyes.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

NO fun! NO fun! NO fun!

It's too quiet in here...

"Where do we go from here?
The words are coming out all weird
Where are you now when I need you?
Alone on an aeroplane
Falling asleep against the window pane
My blood will thicken
I need to wash myself again to hide all the dirt and pain
'Cause I'd be scared that there's nothing underneath
And who are my real friends?
Have they all got the bends?
Am I really sinking this low?

Baby's got the bends
We don't have any real friends

I'm just lying in a bar with my drip feed on
Talking to my girlfriend waiting for something to happen
I wish it was the sixties I wish I could be happy
I wish I wish, I wish that something would happen

Where do we go from here?
The planet is a gunboat in a sea of fear
And where are you?
They brought in the CIA, the tanks and the whole marines
To blow me away
To blow me sky high

Baby's got the bends
We don't have any real friends

I want to live and breathe
I want to be part of the human race
I want to live and breathe
I want to be part of the human race
Where do we go from here?
The words are coming out all weird
Where are you now when I need you? "-Courtesy of Masters Thom Yorke and company.